I'm so butthurt! I need an assprin, haha!

I got dormant abs, bro!

I'm just going to try to meet girls the old fashioned way: ruffies

Down for lyfe with a y!

You take that back! Lindsey Lohan is not a B-actor!

Yea, Rip Van Winkled my birthday

They break hearts don't they?

I'm a wit master!

I would totally let Andrew W.K. skull fuck me

If you're off tomorrow, you wanna eat Pringles?